Emerging

Hard to speak of the last month or so. The spirit has been calling me to live on the far side of my own brain, from EN/S(?)TP to ESFJ. Not successful at all. Warning: it is still perilous to ignore one’s fundamental nature.

But there were things to show me, and no other way except to knock me upside the head.

I ventured into my 40th high school reunion — a truly draining ENFJ event that was great at the time but left me feeling as if it had been a major illness.

I got my long-delayed book off to its publisher and had to learn how to live with that lack of control over each word, and, more significantly, each reaction to it.

My partner’s Huntington Disease has shifted into a stage which drops her into many more hours of sleep. She looks so peaceful, but the resemblance to dying is unmistakeable. Happily, so far she always wakes up with revived ambitions, and carries them out.

I’ve gotten really satisfied by answering the phone to provide funerals for free-range liberals.

But what ties all this together is a spirit and force unfelt for many years. Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of my ordination to UU ministry, but I’ve never heard of a twenty-year itself. A lot of it felt took me back to adolescence, in many cases resolving or reframing unfinished business. At the same time, I’ve been digesting spiritual and religious writing with unprecedented clarity.

Is this my reward for the soon-to-be three years with daily doses of Ritalin? I mention this because it turns out ministers in search with congregations are completely not free to talk about how a proper regime of neurological or other medications enhances and reactivates spiritual staleness.

It’s too soon to say I’ve broken that lifetime of bad habits that passionate intellectualism imparts. But I love being able to look at their antidote as an adventure in a wonderful new mind-space.

 

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